I feel like I have come out of the major depression that I have been in. I have been crushing my Flylady routines, and they are doing what they are supposed to do. Im tackling the basics first, and maintaining them while slowly chipping away at the more detailed cleaning and organization.

I am starting to be able to add in a little more self care. The idea of taking a shower didn’t fill me with dread, and it had only been a few days since my last one. Sadly thats a huge improvement from where I was. I feel like I the next one wont be so bad.

Yesterday, sadness started to creep back in. Not depressed, just sad. We found out that John has to have emergency surgery. He has bulging disks and arthritis in his cervical spine that are compressing his spinal cord, and causing partial paralasis of his legs. It is an emergency because it could become permanent or cause further paralysis.

This made me reflect on all the obsticles that we have had to overcome so far. My dad overshadowed the all. Obviously standing behind him through his battle with cancer is a big one.

Looking at the surgeries that John and I have recently gone through is the next contender. How hard it was to keep us afloat during recovery. Then my dads reaction when he realized what we had gone through. He said he didnt even know I had had surgery, and that he would have been here if he had. I do believe him.

I should have communicated with him more. It would have been a blessing to have his help, and time I could have spent with him before he got this sick. Then I would have seen the growth and I could have tried to get him to a Dr. He probably wouldn’t have gone, but I could have tried.

So, I’ve been crying at the drop of a hat all over again.

I need to apply for a job with Shipt, but I have been dragging my feet about the video interview. Im also nervous about adding to my plate when im just getting back on my feet. Im afraid of getting derailed. But I have to do it. We need to eat, and pay the bills. John hasnt been able to work in over a month, and wont be able to for at least a few months to recover from his surgery on the 11th.